Take the Pharisee Test

This article is from Don Francisco’s website…

Pharisee Test

The National Heart Health Association has issued an alert.
“An ancient disease is on the rise, “Pharisaitis”.

Symptoms: Cranial swelling, atrophied heart, upturning of the nose, and blind spots.

Populations at Risk:
Those active in religious circles and particularly in leadership should take precautionary measures to avoid this disease, and be educated about early symptoms.

Prognosis: Contagious– those with extreme Pharisaitis should be quarantined. Diagnosis is the most difficult part of the cure. Once the patient realizes he/she has contracted the disease, Pharisaitis often goes into remission. Left untreated, however, Pharisaitis will progress until blindness is complete, swollen head becomes difficult for the neck to support, heart shrinks

Go on… Do the test here…

Sadly, the test revealed that RavingPente has been infected. RavingPente finds it sadly too easy to see how other people could improve. 😦 (She is now praying for healing.) Anyone else willing to say how they came out?


18 thoughts on “Take the Pharisee Test

  1. Oh I love that guys ministry! This test is pretty old.
    In terms of a pharisitical songs he has written, check out ‘Everybody Else But Me’, ‘It Aint No Sin To Get The Blues’ and ‘Beautiful To Me’- one of my songs I sing around churches. It’s always a tear-jerker. Lat one is a personal fav of mine.

    Actually listen to all of them. You’ll be doing yourself a favour. All his songs can minister to you.

  2. “Thankyou O lord that I am not like that Ravingpente person over there”…

    RRRRummmmble…..KKKKRAK-ZZZAP!!!……sssssizzle…

    “Woe to you Ravingpente, for you cross earth & sea to make another person twice the daughter of hell like yourself!”……

    RRRRRUMMBLE-KKKRAK-SPLIT- AAAaaaaaaaaaaaah!……RRUMMMMBLE….Close!

    Your article inspires me to refer us all to this below- this very precisely defines the ‘pharisee’ from Jesus’ point of view-love this material, as it helped rescue me from a truly Pharisaical church once!-

    -Matthew 23

    Seven Woes

    1Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples: 2″The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. 3So you must obey them and do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. 4They tie up heavy loads and put them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.

    [seem familiar in church, guys?, and consistent with Platonic dualism & general idealism, curiously! ]

    5″Everything they do is done for men to see: They make their phylacteries[a] wide and the tassels on their garments long; 6they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; 7they love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have men call them ‘Rabbi.’

    [like the fancy titles we use in Church-note the detestable practice of ‘church-pecking-order’, especially among preachers & pastors-]

    8″But you are not to be called ‘Rabbi,’ for you have only one Master and you are all brothers. 9And do not call anyone on earth ‘father,’ for you have one Father, and he is in heaven. 10Nor are you to be called ‘leader,’ for you have one Leader, the Christ.[b]

    [for those who love ‘Leader’ structures!]

    11The greatest among you will be your servant. 12For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.

    {My senior-pastor recently stated that does not believe in washing feet- his calling is ‘administering the faith’!}

    13″Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to.[c]

    [for those who love excluding ‘undesirables’ from coming into the assembly]

    15″Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are.

    16″Woe to you, blind guides! You say, ‘If anyone swears by the temple, it means nothing; but if anyone swears by the gold of the temple, he is bound by his oath.’ 17You blind fools! Which is greater: the gold, or the temple that makes the gold sacred?

    [Interesting that our body is now the Temple, eh?]

    18You also say, ‘If anyone swears by the altar, it means nothing; but if anyone swears by the gift on it, he is bound by his oath.’ 19You blind men! Which is greater: the gift, or the altar that makes the gift sacred? 20Therefore, he who swears by the altar swears by it and by everything on it. 21And he who swears by the temple swears by it and by the one who dwells in it. 22And he who swears by heaven swears by God’s throne and by the one who sits on it.

    [Im glad I incite Jiminy Cricket!]

    23″Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. 24You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.

    [Note the stress on the tithe, and the word ‘mercy’- my Senior pastor was a bit put-out recently when I said “Mercy triumphs over judgement” Jm2:13-he appeared to want this to be case-sensitive!]

    25″Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. 26Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.

    [very interesting greed & self-indulgence is a defining trait -]

    27″Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean. 28In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.

    [always amazing we can become it, and remain unaware of it!]

    29″Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You build tombs for the prophets and decorate the graves of the righteous. 30And you say, ‘If we had lived in the days of our forefathers, we would not have taken part with them in shedding the blood of the prophets.’ 31So you testify against yourselves that you are the descendants of those who murdered the prophets. 32Fill up, then, the measure of the sin of your forefathers!

    [here’s a blow in favor of ‘generational sin’ still applying!]

    33″You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell? 34Therefore I am sending you prophets and wise men and teachers. Some of them you will kill and crucify; others you will flog in your synagogues and pursue from town to town.

    [note the synagogue is primarily ‘a place of learning’]

    35And so upon you will come all the righteous blood that has been shed on earth, from the blood of righteous Abel to the blood of Zechariah son of Berekiah, whom you murdered between the temple and the altar. 36I tell you the truth, all this will come upon this generation.

    [gosh, better watch yourself, Ravingpente!]

    37″O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing.

    38Look, your house is left to you desolate. 39For I tell you, you will not see me again until you say, ‘Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.'[d]”

    [-very interesting remark; ie ‘you will be lonely, without God’]

    Love from Z,

    [he said, patting his phylactery and twirling his tassel as he ruefully reflected on how silly his face looked without the edges of his beard unshaven..]

  3. Zeppelin, I will take your warnings to heart. They are just the medicine I need. It’s pretty strong language too – ‘sons of hell’!

    Mmm – I don’t think I’ve ever heard this passage preached on in church! Only the bit about tithing used to endorse us doing it, despite it being addressed to Jewish Pharisees before the New Covenant.

  4. RP says:
    “Sadly, the test revealed that RavingPente has been infected. RavingPente finds it sadly too easy to see how other people could improve. 😦 (She is now praying for healing.) Anyone else willing to say how they came out?”

    Well at least I didn’t come out infected you pharisee! I cam out clean and perfect.
    *Leaves RavingPente on the roadside.*

    I’m off to the synagogue.

  5. Good to know you are perfect, S&P. When will you be starting your own church, so that others can learn from you?

  6. “Mmm – I don’t think I’ve ever heard this passage preached on in church! Only the bit about tithing used to endorse us doing it, despite it being addressed to Jewish Pharisees before the New Covenant.”

    I recently heard Matthew 23 referred to as “the least quoted NT passage because we do it all 🙂

  7. Hey Heretic. We all always joke about Matt 23 at our bible study.

    “I’m perfect!” “NO! I’m perfect!”

    “Woe to you perfectionists!”

    “I’m the least! NO! I’m the least!”..

    Last year, my friend wrote a poem on it and I put a funky tune to it.
    It was peculiar.

  8. “When will you be starting your own church, so that others can learn from you?”
    I’m waiting for perfect people to come to me or when others I know become perfect. Perfect people can only fellowship with like-minded perfect people.

    To remain perfect, none must be seen with the filthy and least popular people. We might be seen as becoming defiled and undone. We can’t have that. My church won’t last long with those types of people.

  9. I will spray deodorant on them brother as they come through your door; or perhaps gently guide them to the washroom,and we’ll have a team busy washing their feet, and possibly their ‘less-honourable parts’, stick a big, fat gold ring on their finger, a fresh robe and turban on their head, and lead them to the best chair…right next to the visiting key-speaker!

    Z.

  10. You might want to consider paying a few filthy stragglers to loiter across the road (not too close), so that your perfection is heightened by their contrast.

  11. See Ravingpente,

    thats your Christian Creativity in action!-how perfect of you!………………youd better hang with Specks and Planks and I shall dust off the road before your procession, and certainly Speck&planks, we can have them medically-treated and surgically-enhanced, even sterilised, if that makes their presence just a little more tolerable!

    Z.

  12. I’m so glad I am with like minded people! It looks like we’re onto something here guys.
    But I’ll need further proof RP, to see if you’re worthy enough to join my pure and perfect church. You have the brains and creativity, but do they conform to my standards of perfection and most importantly, to my vision?

    *starts working on mission statement and statement of beliefs*

  13. You could always take me on board as your ‘Church Consultant’ S&P, then dump me unceremoniously a few years later, when your church has grown immensely, and been heavily populated by people who conform to the mindset you have personally established (rather than those already tainted by an outside experience, such as myself).

    Without being birthed in your new church, I could not aspire to understanding your vision fully enough, since my perspective has been influenced by my previous Christian experiences.

    I am keen to see your vision statement.

  14. ….Shades of Truth-“-I must execute you, faithful Lieutenant, or should I say;..
    ….dear Brutus?”

    What, Specks & planks!You mentioned Brains & Creativity..but what about ‘Religious Beauty!’-are you expecting Ravingpente to be even more beautiful than she already is?!

    ’tis a high, high hypey calling sister!’….well, please make the Mission-statement catchy, at least; juggle the Visions around so nobody can follow you, and dont forget to enlist only pure, Confederate, Aryan stock for the Congregation…-you ARE blonde Ravingpents, arent you?…..the ‘others; goyim’, we can send to ‘Other’ congregations catering to their er…’demographcs’..
    We can BREED a new Congregation… the perfect people!…destined, to take over… ‘Everything! ‘

    …..”Ive got the brainnns, youve got the looks,…lets make Lots of Moneeey!!”

    I can see your plan now Specks&Planks-evil Pharisaical scum!

    [Zeppelin, the scarred, sinister bald and monocled,’Teddy-stroker’, finally collapsed into peaceful, beatific sleep, sighing one last, feverishly whispered Elvis-like prayer…..”Thanks Lord,…, Ah know it gonna be.. alright”….]

    Zzzzz

    [noting, as he finally slid into unconscousness, that Specks & Planks had indeed passed The Test;-he IS the Perfect Pharisee-and Ravingpente; though she may have to wait for the ‘others’ to catch up, can comfortably rest assured, that she will always be…Right….]

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