… with apologies to Lawrence Leung (a comedian on the Australian TV channel ABC who wrote the show “Choose Your Own Adventure”).
As a people we Christians have so many sects – so many reasons to write each other off. Too weird, too emotional, too strange. Too different. So we try and pick the people who have it right and club together with them.
Jesus said we were all going to get together one day and be sorted into sheep and goats. He said that we would be surprised at who turned out to be a sheep and who turned out to be a goat from his perspective. That one day he would say to some of us “depart from me because …”
I suspect we tend to look out of our club at the other clubs and think “oh yeah, you are going to be so surprised”. But on what basis do we make this judgment call about each other. What comes after Jesus’ “because” for us?
How do we end this scripture in our minds? We might as well just change the scripture to what we really believe. Here is my attempt to set the record straight below. I have been on the end of some of these judgments myself (I won’t say which end 🙂 )
- Sydney Anglican: depart from me because you speak in tongues.
- Pentecostal: depart from me because you don’t speak in tongues.
- Mega-church: depart from me because you don’t give to the building fund.
- Calvinist: depart from me because you never really understood predestination.
- Lutheran: depart from me because you were not baptised at birth.
- Driscolite: depart from me because you weren’t man enough.
- Catholic: depart from me because you used a condom.
- Porpoise driven: depart from me because you do not have a vision statement.
- NAR: depart from me because your leader has not been to the third heaven.
- Five fold ministries: depart from me you don’t have apostolic covering.
- Hillswrong: depart from me because you don’t tithe.
- Steve Penny: depart from me because you have a mind of your own.
- Orthodox: depart from me because you did not join the one true church.
- All of the above: depart from me because you did not join the one true church.
Have you been on the pointy end of any of these? Have you been pointed yourself?
BTW if I have offended you in any way with this post then feel to make a few up about me. It will not be the first time 🙂 … or the last time.
(disclaimer: any references that bear a resemblance to any actual church institutions, living or dead, are completely coincidental)