A rewriting of some of the Beatitudes

 

  • Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves; they will have no end of fun.
  • Blessed are those who can tell a mountain from a molehill; they will be saved a lot of bother.
  • Blessed are those who know how to relax without looking for excuses; they are on their way to becoming wise.
  • Blessed are those who are sane enough not to take themselves too seriously; they will be valued most by those about them.

46 thoughts on “A rewriting of some of the Beatitudes

  1. You are only trying to revamp biblical scriptures…How dumb are you?

    http://www.letusreason.org/Biblexp117.htm

    The Bible says in several places not to add to his words,

    how can this be true when other books were added afterwards?

    What it means is that one is not to add their own words to what God gave. Each one is a specific book that was complete that man was not to add or subtract from. The Bible is a collection of all 66 books that are of the Old and New Testament.

    Deuteronomy 4:2 “You shall not add to the word which I command you, nor take anything from it”(also Deuteronomy 12:32). The reason God is so adamant on this is because “The entirety of Your word is truth” (Psalms 119: 160).

    “Add thou not unto His words, lest He reprove thee, and thou be found a liar” Proverbs 30:6.

    In our day there is the belief in “progressive revelation” that originates from outside the Word. What right does anyone have to teach what is not in Scripture as if it is Scripture? False teachers do not want to submit to its original intent, so they do not seek what Scripture actually (exegesis) means, instead, they conform it to what they want it to mean (isogesis). They will look to another source as their authority because they are not under God’s authority. This is why Paul admonishes us in 1 Corinthians 4:6: “not to think beyond what is written” (exceed or go past). Why? So pride will not have an opportunity to operate and puff us up. It is pride that makes one participate in false doctrine which makes him spiritually destructive to himself and others who listen to him.

  2. EYES, you must have a problem with Mark 16:9-19 and some of the other verses that have been added or deleted since the author/s wrote them.

  3. MARK

    King James Version (KJV)

    9 Now when Jesus was risen early the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom he had cast seven devils.

    10 And she went and told them that had been with him, as they mourned and wept.

    11 And they, when they had heard that he was alive, and had been seen of her, believed not.

    12 After that he appeared in another form unto two of them, as they walked, and went into the country.

    13 And they went and told it unto the residue: neither believed they them.

    14 Afterward he appeared unto the eleven as they sat at meat, and upbraided them with their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they believed not them which had seen him after he was risen.

    15 And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.

    16 He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.

    17 And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;

    18 They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.

    19 So then after the Lord had spoken unto them, he was received up into heaven, and sat on the right hand of God.

    YAY ,Bones,that’s the Bible,and not taken out of context either.
    Thank you for that scripture Bones…much appreciated.

  4. Which wasn’t in the earliest manuscripts.

    So you’re impressed with something that was added to Scripture.

    At College we had an assignment to see if we could write a better ending to Mark. My ending would be just as inspired.

  5. No one knows.

    But all good stories have to have an ending.

    8 Trembling and bewildered, the women went out and fled from the tomb. They said nothing to anyone, because they were afraid.

    That’s a weird way to end the book and certainly implies that the ending was lost.

    Counting the original Mark 16:8, there’s been 5 endings used.

    Longer Ending 16:9–14

    Now when Jesus was risen early the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom he had cast seven devils.
    And she went and told them that had been with him, as they mourned and wept. And they, when they had heard that he was alive, and had been seen of her, believed not. After that he appeared in another form unto two of them, as they walked, and went into the country. And they went and told it unto the residue: neither believed they them. Afterward he appeared unto the eleven as they sat at meat, and upbraided them with their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they believed not them which had seen him after he was risen.

    Freer Logion (between 16:14 and 16:15

    And they excused themselves, saying, This age of lawlessness and unbelief is under Satan, who does not allow the truth and power of God to prevail over the unclean things dominated by the spirits.[28] Therefore reveal your righteousness now. — thus they spoke to Christ. And Christ responded to them, The limit of the years of Satan’s power is completed, but other terrible things draw near. And for those who sinned I was handed over to death, that they might return to the truth and no longer sin, in order that they might inherit the spiritual and incorruptible heavenly glory of righteousness.

    Longer Ending 16:15–20

    And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.
    He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned. And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover. So then after the Lord had spoken unto them, he was received up into heaven, and sat on the right hand of God. And they went forth, and preached every where, the Lord working with them, and confirming the word with signs following. Amen.

    Shorter Ending

    And they reported all the instructions briefly to Peter’s companions. Afterwards Jesus himself, through them, sent forth from east to west the sacred and imperishable proclamation of eternal salvation. Amen. (Greek text[29])

    Some early Christians had no qualms changing verses to fit their theology.

    Now why God would allow the ending of Mark to be lost is a bit of a mystery.

    Interesting that none of the Greek manuscripts before 600CE have Acts 8:37

    “If you believe with all your heart, you may.” The eunuch answered, “I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God.””

    Acts 15:34 is also a later addition and there’s plenty of debate about 1 John 5:7-8 being a later addition.

    1 John 5

    7. For there are three that bear record in heaven,
    the Father, the Word, and the Holy Ghost:
    and these three are one.
    8. And there are three that bear witness in earth,

    the spirit, and the water, and the blood:
    and these three agree in one.

    The bolded verses are not included in later translations like the New American Standard

  6. I don’t think there’s much wrong with the post, unless Greg is replacing the original beatitudes, which he’s not.

    Blessed are those who resist the temptation to become religious bores: they will gather many friends with which to share life.

  7. I think Greg should add this post to the About comments section at c3churchwatch to encourage the hyperactive religious zealots over there to chill out and get a life.

  8. Ha Ha Steve,Ha ha.
    Little do you realize,but i haven’t commented on the WATCH in quite some time.
    I guess your still upset about being deleted on occasions.
    Not sure you remember that i got deleted also…not just once either.
    But like I’ve said before ‘i don’t really give a stuff’.
    Why don’t you add the post to c3churchwatch?or try?

    “EYES, you must have a problem with Mark 16:9-19 and some of the other verses that have been added or deleted since the author/s wrote them.”

    Problem is a weak choice of words,although i do see the point that you are trying to make.Put it this way,if i do find any great mistakes in the bible,i might have a scholar for brekky.

  9. Greg, Nadia BW’s got some good sermons at Patheos. I think you’ll like her.

    I really liked this one.

    Demon Possession and Why I Named My Depression “Francis”

    I just know that demons, whether they be addictions or evil spirits, are not what Jesus wants for us. Since basically every time he encountered them he told them to piss off. And here’s the thing: the authority to do just this – the authority to face what tell us lies, to face what keeps us shackled, to face what keeps us out of control, alone and in pain and tell it in the name of Jesus to piss off is an authority that has been given to us all in baptism. Baptism is as radical as exorcism. So remember our reading from Galatians: For as many of you who were baptized in Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is no longer Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female (gay nor straight)

    Which means, you dear people of God are clothed with the one whom demons fear. Claim it. And tell those demons to piss off. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

    http://www.patheos.com/blogs/nadiabolzweber/2013/06/demon-possession-and-why-i-named-my-depression-francis/

  10. What’s wrong with a born again Christian dating site?

    They have dating sites for blacks.

    And in some countries they have dating sites for women who want to marry doctors and others where the man has a certain salary.

    Bones re the book. I can’t stand tattoos. And I hate swearing.
    So a book written by a foul-mouthed WOMAN with tattoos?

    Pass. Lol

    Just listened to the first few sentences then clicked off.
    Where have all the sweet girls gone?

    They used to be made of sugar and spice etc

  11. So there are still pockets of sanity and good taste left.

    You had me there though Bones. I thought for a moment the book was going to be a deep work about the ending of Mark! lol

  12. “Bolshevic”?

    You’ve said some cutting things in the past …but this time it’s unforgivable!

    Bolshevic?

    Meet me at dawn.

  13. I don’t hate tattoed women,

    and I’m not even anti-liberal.

    I think both would be fine if they all lived on a little island and intercepted boats or something useful.

  14. This is kind of a symbolic picture. The monster represents Muslim violence and terrorism. And in red are Bones, Greg and Wazza deciding that the real danger is in the mosquitoes behind the rocks, so they will bravely go and deal with the mozzies.

  15. Actually most of the world is more concerned with the casualties at the mall in Nairobi and the victims of the bombing in the church in Pakistan.

    Big news. Even bigger than some rich dudes not getting their lavish wedding.

    Well, in the real world anyway.

  16. Listening to Newt Gingrich, the great bloviator, go on this morning on the alleged Muslim threat, set me off. Gingrich did his dissertation on Belgian educational policy in the Congo, where he managed to miss the genocide perpetrated by the Europeans. Gingrich knows better, he is just hate-mongering. But since he brought it up, it is Westerners like Gingrich (who supported illegally invading and occupying Iraq, which led to hundreds of thousands of deaths) of whom one might justifiably be a little afraid…

    Western countries invaded, occupied by Muslims, since 1798: Turkey in Cyprus since 1974?
    Number of Westerners killed by Muslim powers since 1798: a few tens of thousands, most in the Ottoman wars in the Balkans and WW I

    Muslim countries invaded and occupied by Westerners since 1798: what is now Bangladesh (Britain); Egypt (France), much of Indonesia (Dutch); Algeria (France); Senegal, Mali, Niger, Chad (France); Moroccan Sahara, Ceuta (Spain); what is now Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Azerbaijan, Turkmenistan (Russia); Tunisia (France); Egypt, Sudan (Britain); Morocco (France); Libya (Italy); Palestine and Iraq (Britain); Syria and what is now Lebanon (France); Kuwait, UAE, Bahrain (Britain); Iran (Britain, US, Soviet Union during WW II); Iraq (US 2003-2011)

    Number of Muslims killed by Western Powers since 1798: tens of millions

    Boo Hoo – those who live by the sword will die by the sword..You reap what you sow..the chickens are coming home to roost.

    Q you are so blind mate, so utterly and totally blind

  17. If you take every death caused by a terrorist attack (including 9/11) over the past 30 years – and then add in everyone killed by mob violence in Islamic countries – it would absolutely pale in comparison to the number of Muslims that have been killed by the American military in the same time period.

    In just the Iraq war alone, the US managed to kill nearly a million Iraqis – a large percentage of whom were civilians who had nothing to do with the conflict. Add to that the number of Muslims killed in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Yemen, etc in the so-called “War on Terror”.

    Anyone puzzled why there might be so much hatred towards the US around the Islamic world?

  18. No Bones,it’s just that if you read the link,you will find that there are a lot more so called beatitudes written in the bible.
    Who slipped in the heading,’beatitudes’ ?

  19. “Anyone puzzled why there might be so much hatred towards the US around the Islamic world?”

    So…..Muslim jihadists are murdering people in Nigeria and Kenya and Syria and Egypt and …..add in countries, because they hate the US?

    That’s it? And because of wars going back hundreds of years??

    If that’s the case, then maybe Protestants would be bombing Catholics, and the Shintoists would be bombing everyone.

    So, the shiites and sunnis hate the US so much they have decided to blow each other up to show the world and Brother Gregory how much they hate the US?

    Gotcha…….

    I prefer my blindness to your insanity.

    So you would also no doubt want to apologize on behalf of Obama. He’s killed some people in Pakistan – with his Nobel Peace Prize tucked under his arm. So you really see that while Obama killed Bin Laden and other terrorist leaders and has a hard time doing it because of all the care not to kill civilians, that means it’s normal for Muslims in Kenya to execute shoppers from different nationalities.

    Greg, seriously, you are about as logical as a Muslim Jihadist.
    Maybe you can take the White Widows place and explain to the world why kids shopping in Nairobi get shot because of the French being in Chad. Ottoman? You heard of some of the stuff they got up to?

    Oh, and maybe you can go an apologize for the Anzacs being at Gallipoli. That of course will really stop Muslim terrorism in Nigeria….

    Wow. Is weed legal in Newcastle now? Or are you thinking of converting to Islam.

  20. “Jared M. On Friday, 14 September 2007, ORB (Opinion Research Business), an independent polling agency located in London, published estimates of the total war casualties in Iraq since the US-led invasion of Iraq in 2003.[1] At over 1.2 million deaths (1,220,580), this estimate is the highest number published so far. From the poll margin of error of +/-2.5% ORB calculated a range of 733,158 to 1,446,063 deaths. The ORB estimate was performed by a random survey of 1,720 adults aged 18+, out of which 1,499 responded, in fifteen of the eighteen governorates within Iraq, between August 12 and August 19, 2007.[2][3]

    ……
    On 28 January 2008, ORB published an update based on additional work carried out in rural areas of Iraq. Some 600 additional interviews were undertaken September 20 to 24, 2007. As a result of this the death estimate was revised to 1,033,000 with a given range of 946,000 to 1,120,000.[4][5]

    This ORB estimate has been strongly criticised as exaggerated and ill-founded in peer reviewed literature.[6]”

    Not by Gregory! He’ll take that one over all the other low estimates.

    Gregory …..A million people – most of which were killed BY AMERICANS???? You know for a fact that Americans killed all these people. Why? In what circumstances?

    Did you and Bones get your degrees from PLO Polytechnic or somewhere???!?!?!

    and people had problems with Pringle’s doctorate!

    You need to go talk to some American pilots and military who were over there.

    Man, AMericans try to kill terrorists hiding behind civilians and sometimes civilians get killed. Greg tries his darndest to inflate the figures and accuse the US of killing civilians and being responsible for worldwide Muslim anger.

    Muslims bomb, kill, execute, chop heads off, rape, fly planes into buildings, and blow up worshippers purposely and Greg quotes an article from a Muslims arguing that Muslims are peaceful.

    Those nasty yankee policemen of the world! You probably think they are purposely trying to kill the world through Macdonalds too!

    Twilight Zone stuff. Or there’s some kind of parallel universe thing going on here

  21. so called war on terror. So you obviously condemn Mr Obama too right?
    You think he just “kills Muslims” as part of a crusade, and just makes up good slogans to cover it up?

    Remember, there is no more Bush. Obama is calling all the shots now – and he was/is thinking of going into Syria.

    so, is he wanting oil? or just to harass Muslims just to show he can persecute them and keep up the tradition of the Christian West picking on the poor peaceful Muslims for no reason at all.

    Well? Nobel Peace Prize winner, darling of the left-wing Obama.
    Go screech at him about killing Muslims…..

    btw if not for the US, you’d be speaking Japanese. (And no doubt apologizing to them for making them attack the horrible Christian west and exacting just revenge)

    Guys….youre showing your age. You 70s uni degrees are outdated.
    The little red books aren’t in fashion anymore. Vietnamese like American stuff… Come over to the 21st century.

  22. Don’t hate Muslims.

    But saying that Americans killed a large percentage of a million people is just ridiculous, and that the murder of innocents in Nairobi is understandable due to the actions of the US is unspeakably foolish, slanderous and counter-productive.

    And I think it’s good to call you lamebrains out on your pseudo-research.

    Maybe you’ll be more careful.

    Hint….Gregory, look up again the casualties in Iraq (how they died etc) and whether your figures are even remotely accurate.

    But yes, enough about Muslims. It has to be up to Muslims to get through to Muslims to stop the violence.

    And Bones, can you stop the foul language or is it too hard.

    Once again, show you guys how absurd your research is, and the swearing comes out.

    Like a losing footy team. If ya can’t win, put on the biff.

    Good night.

  23. From Christians United for Israel –

    RAPID RESPONSE ACTION ALERT

    Dear Wazza,

    This weekend, a suicide attack on a historic Christian church in northwestern Pakistan killed at least 75 people. Once again, Christians are being killed for their faith. And once again the world yawns.

    Similar attacks have repeatedly targeted Christians in Iraq, Egypt, Syria and elsewhere. As a result, these ancient Christian communities are collapsing before our very eyes. In the face of this humanitarian crisis, the world has been shockingly silent.

    We in CUFI have not. And, thanks to your efforts, we are happy to report that Congress has finally acted.

    Last week, the House of Representatives passed H.R. 301 by an overwhelming margin. This legislation provides for the appointment of a special envoy for the freedom of religious minorities in the Middle East. It is an important first step.

    But this isn’t the first time that the House has passed this bill. They passed it last Congress, only to see it die in the U.S. Senate. This is why we must act now to ensure that the Senate passes this legislation, and does so as soon as possible.

    Please click here now to send an e-mail to your senators urging them to co-sponsor and push for prompt final passage of S. 653, the Senate’s version of this Christian persecution bill.

    Our brothers’ blood is crying out to us from the ground. We dare not be silent. Please act now to demand that your senator support this important legislation!

    May God Bless You and Those that You Love,

    Pastor John Hagee David Brog
    Chairman Executive Director

    ————————————————————————————————-

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