Stuck in the Ice – a tale of global warming…

"Humans are migrating south, Hilary. It must be a sign of climate change!"
“Humans are migrating south, Hilary. It must be a sign of climate change!”

In the spirit of some of the reconstruction of facts which has been indulged in by one or two left-leaning commenters lately, I thought some Fake News would brighten up what has been an icy beginning to 2014 at SP02.

The parody of a news story that follows is quite topical in the light of an actual event which featured a gaggle of climate scientists and various hangers-on who went on a ‘fishing’ trip to the Antarctic – fishing for evidence of global warming and melting ice, that is – but found themselves having to be rescued from their ice-bound ship at great expense (yet to be revealed).

Not only was their ship ice-bound for days, but the rescue ship also found itself embedded in suddenly frozen water. The scientists and friends had to be airlifted out.

There is some good news. The penguins loved it. They were featured in the media. They also thought it was one of the most hilarious things they’d seen.

Icy coincidence
It was another example of a surprisingly coincidental run of meteorological mishaps for climate change conferences, excursions and events whereby the weather becomes very suddenly cold and icy. Who remembers the Copenhagen Conference on Climate Change, which experienced unseasonal subzero weather conditions? I should think Kevin Rudd shivers at the thought of it and is still trying to forget.

In a run of misfortune, Al Gore, who blames blizzards on climate change, has developed a reputation for temperature drops mysteriously taking place wherever he goes for a Climate Change talk. I don’t suppose, given how much he charges for speaking, it matters that much to him. He’ll take your entrance fee come rain or shine. But it has alerted satirists to the opportunities this phenomenon presents.

From spoof News site The Daily Rash.

Al Gore trapped in blizzardAl Gore Trapped in Blizzard En Route to Climate Fundraiser

CHICAGO – Former vice president and current global warming superstar, Albert Arnold Gore Jr., was trapped in his limousine on Chicago’s Lake Shore Drive last night for thirty minutes after the limo slid into a twelve foot snowbank. Although Mr. Gore did not receive any physical injuries, his driver said that Mr. Gore may have had a nervous breakdown. A spokesperson for the Gore empire issued a statement this morning.

“President Albert Gore, former U.S. Senator, Grammy and Academy Award winner and humbled recipient of the prestigious Nobel Peace Prize is resting comfortably at his home in the esteemed Malibu Beach community of beautiful sunny, southern California. He would like to express his heartfelt thanks to the dozens of devotees who’ve sent recycled cards wishing him a speedy recovery. Mr. Gore is well aware of the necessity of his presence in our deteriorating world, and he wants his disciples to know that after a few months of rest aboard his large yacht he will board his private jet and travel to far and distant lands to warn people they will soon suffer unimaginable agony and despair in the ever advancing apocalypse of global warming. The Gore estate will continue to accept large financial donations to help pay for his selfless and benevolent predictions of impending wretchedness and torment. So we beseech you to please continue to donate large sums of money. With enough cash Mr. Gore is confident that, through his unrelenting determination and struggle to combat global warming, he can almost guarantee your younger children may not die before they reach the tenth, maybe even the eleventh grade.”

Mr. Gore’s limo driver told reporters that the former vice president and Nobel Peace Prize recipient may have had a psychological meltdown during their time in the snowbank.

“President Gore was quite shaken when it became apparent that he would miss the fund raiser. When our cell phone reception disappeared he began squirming around the back of the limo like a caged animal. That’s when he began screaming into his cell phone.

“Somebody, please answer me! Hello? This is Al Gore! Somebody answer Al Gore’s cry for help! Somebody please, answer Al Gore’s cry for help! I repeat, this is President Al Gore! Somebody help President Al Gore!”

“When I told President Gore that his phone wasn’t getting a signal,” the driver continued, “he rightfully told me to keep my mouth shut because I was just a limo driver who’d never received an important trophy in front of lots of people. Then he started hyperventilating and screaming that we were going to die. By the time help arrived he’d collapsed into a fetal position in the back of the limo mumbling:

“Five hundred and thirty-seven votes. Five hundred and thirty-seven votes. Five hundred and thirty-seven votes. Five hundred and thirty-seven votes…..”

When reporters attempted to contact Mr. Gore’s ex-wife, Tipper, her spokesperson said the former first lady has been away shopping for the past six months and is expected to continue shopping for several more years.

As a Roman Governor once said, “What is truth?” Stranger than fiction, that’s for sure.


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